Something that matters

my roe roe aka monroe

I want to be there for him and snuggle him when he gets hurt and kiss his boo-boos better. Ideal mama would love every minute with her babe right? Because they go by too fast? As everyone tells you.

Let me just say that I find it hard to believe that my roe will be 6 months old in a little under 2 weeks. That when people told me it would go quickly I smiled and thought "How the heck can this go any slower? How can I make it go quicker? Can't we fast forward to fully potty trained and speaking and then slow down?".  I am glad that I've gotten to spend this time with him while he grew and developed and became a whole heck of a lot funner lately.

I can't really say its gone quickly.

What I will say is that its been different, amazing, different, hard, different and trying.

My marriage, my motherhoodness and my sanity all seemed to be in the shredder about 3 months ago. My Grandpa died very very unexpectedly at 65, Paul had 3 business trips planned (and 2 4-wheeler weekends? Not happening the 2nd time around), I lived 3 hours from my mom and 2 from my friends, which is a constant but I am trying to paint you a picture here okay?

I thought that the foundation of our marriage, our 5 year plan of action would really help us adjust to having a babe. Nothing, no matter how much time you have can prep you for the babe's arrival. We had a year where we lived apart from one another while I worked 2 hours away m-f and came home on weekends (sidenote: DO NOT ever do this, live in a cardboard box if needed, your marriage is worth it) and we got through that so no little babe was going to cause a marital issue, right? RIGHT?

Wrong.

You know that little old couple you see holding hands, and think hey we'll always be like that? There's no one to hold hands with when you're both stumbling around in your zombie stupor from lack of sleep and rotating naps with who's turn it is to rock the screaming mound of flesh.  You stop snuggling and talking, really any communication is over. Those weeks of recovery don't exactly meet a boys needs and speaking on a new mama's behalf I did not want to hold hands let alone anything else. I wanted time to myself. I wanted to be selfish, and that option is gone once you give birth.

I remember breaking down while driving Paul to the airport for a business trip and asking what happened to us. So we fought. Hard. Like put your big girl panties on because this is gonna be a drawn out, bare it all, fight tooth and nail for it kind of fight. We went out and celebrated our 5 year anniversary 2 months late. We made a commitment to each other, we talked. We luckily figured out a sleep routine that works sometimes for our babe and that really works for us in that almost every night we stay up past when he goes down and talk and snuggle and just be with only each other. This doesn't really meet the sleep need, but hey something had to give right? We laugh again, we joke and we find time for one another.

Tuesday night I sorted it out last minute to head to Toronto for dinner at a burger place (Paul loves him a good burger and these were great, go there if you get a chance, I got the crazy burger) for Paul's 31st, it'd been almost 2 weeks before, but hey you adjust to your situations, like we've been learning you don't just give up on them.

I remember right before Christmas laughing with Paul on a weekend (glorious weekends) and him telling me how happy he was to have his wife back. I was never gone, but we had to figure out how we fit our little guy into our lives and maintain our marriage. How our life could not revolve around this child, but rather encompass him into our lives. Does that make any sense? Meh I know what  I meant.

Oh yea so back to the original concept of this entry... ummm time. Right.

These months have not been quick, but they've been an amazing time of growth, Monroe has grown into a little man on the verge of sitting up on his own. I've grown into my concept of a mama. Paul into a dad and us into a family. I wouldn't change it for anything, but I sure am glad to be moving on to our next chapter.

date night at craft burger