I try not to use it, I try not to say "I have the cutest son in the world". People may say to me you have the most adorable baby and the world and I will not disagree ( : ) ). But I will not post it as a status update, or as a small little jab at how much of a superior mother I am because my baby slept for hours at night when he was _____ weeks old. Or how much he weighs now at whatever age, and oh your baby weighs how much?
I hate mompetitiveness.
Now a situation arose where I made an offhand comment during a rather awkward conversation, which someone stupidly thought should be repeated to another party(this is the worst idea ever,if someone ever makes a stupid statement as we've all done, do not pass it along to someone else). Which was ridiculous and silly as I really do try not to say crap like that, but umm newsflash I am not perfect. But why the heck would we 1. say crap like that? And 2. WHO would pass that along to another mom?
I think that we've all said stuff like this. Maybe not about a specific person or situation. I'd love to hear one comment from anyone in God's green earth who has not ever said "I have the most amazing/cutest/perfect/blah blah blah _____________(fill in the blank). Lack of comments roll in because WE have all said it or typed it out.
Why do we do it? Why do we say stuff like that when it will really only make others feel insufficient. Congrats you're 1 week-old sleeps 8 hours a night and sleeps for 4 hours at a time during the day. Here's your fabulous mom award for creating a great sleeper. I'll go slit my wrists as I wake up every 1.5 to 2 hours ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. (not literally people, although I jokingly said something along those lines when a pregnancy test was done about 2months ago. Don't joke about that stuff with new residents, they're a little high strung) and feel like an utter mom failure again.Or wait I have an idea. Let's start a movement. Everybody talk about how perfect your baby is for your family, not how perfect it is compared to every else's. Don't talk about how well your babe sleeps unless you have a solid tip to give me to make mine sleep better. Otherwise, yours is sleeping fine and therefore you deserve no bragging rights in the discussion about sleepless nights. Seriously.
And yes you have the perfect husband/boyfriend/partner/baby/infant/child/dog/unicorn. For you. You chose them so I sure as heck hope they're a pretty good fit for you. I also have the perfect husband for me. I have the most amazing son for my life. My vicious wiener dog is up there too, in my list of good things.
So can we all agree to just support one another in our perfect family and stop with the competitive statements?
I vow to try my freaking hardest.
It's interesting to hear your views on this topic. I know I am guilty of making statements such as those for two different reasons. Sometimes after feeling like a mom failure I want to brag about something that I feel I've done well with. If I were to post a status update saying my son is _______. It wouldn't be to make anyone else feel bad deliberately, but to reinforce that I CAN do something right. Sometimes things may be going badly in other aspects of your life and you want to reinforce the things that are going well, that you feel you've been successful at. The other reason I share in these status' is pure pride. In my opinion my kids ARE the best kids in the world, and sometimes I want to share my love and adoration for them. It's not to say that your son isnt the best son in the world to you, just that to me, mine are. I know I'm probably not making sense, and probably sounding argumentative, but I'm just trying to point out that I think we all can read into simple statements as a parent and think, oh, well isn't she the perfect parent because _______ is _____, when really all that the other person is trying to convey is pride, or establish that they are a good parent as well, it isn't necessarily meant to be competetive. And if we simply support each other when someone is bragging, instead of feeling overwhelmed with jealous or hurt feelings as though we are being degraded, we could do the world to boost that person's self esteem as a parent, or reinforce that we see other parents as equally challenged by parenthood, and each success as a parent as something to celebrate.
ReplyDeletekind of what i was trying to say in some points, that you have the perfect son, for your life :) But a totally different view from the aspect of trying to take pride in your accomplishments (and you have amazing kids!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your view monica!