So we're unpacked, mostly.
My clothes are still in boxes, because well we're at that awkward in between season stage and quite frankly I am not sure which clothes to unpack and which to put in storage, so for now we live out of boxes, hampers and a few randomly hung articles of clothing.
Monroe's room, painted and set-up. Living room painted and set up. Dining room painted and halfway set up (we need to get some chairs to go with the free retro table we scored, may have something lined up for that). Our room is painted and well the boxes of close as previously discussed. Kitchen is unpacked and has suitably had the eat in kitchen table become a dumping ground for random important paperwork, bills and other papers that come in after moving.
It's coming together, and if I am to be honest I don't miss our old house. I miss our church, our neighbors & our friends. I find some disconnect in relating that I lived in that house for nearly 5 years, maybe because our new house seems so us? It fits us perfectly, the amount of space, the character, our furniture even fits in, in a fabulous way if I may say so myself.
The transition back to a full-time marriage and both parenting full-time has been a bit slower, you see me and Monroe sorted through some stuff these last 3 months, his routine slightly changed, we figured out a few new signals which I neglected to share with Paul. But we're working through that, we're sorting through the new and old and figuring out ways to make it work. I feel like our marriage has turned a huge corner, one where it started needing work, not just working like it used to. Interesting how that happens. Just as Monroe slightly changed in these last few months, so has our marriage.
On Monday I am doing two days of training for a private contracting position, this makes me nervous. I haven't worked in over 16 months, and the idea of my safe routine with roe changing yet again makes my heart feel a little funny.
That said my Aunt Jackie has lovingly stepped up to help watch him during my training and that makes me feel a lot better knowing how much she loves my roe and how much she'll take care of him! The support, love and encouragement of our friends and family here has been amazing and I even started attending a new mama's group.
Roe just awoke and off I go.
Love to you & yours.
b.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Farewell
I've mentioned before how very thankful I am for the amazing support and love for the last year plus of the mama's I've met at Red Tent. There were also a few friends outside of this group, mostly from church who've been very supportive, helpful and when we were dealing with the rush to list our house, they helped out and stepped up.
Now that we're moving in a week (wow), it seems that some people are dealing with it in very odd ways. A fellow mom yesterday publicly questioned why I needed someone to watch Monroe while we moved. Pardon? Then questioned what type of wife I was as I have mentioned how much we miss having my husband and Monroe's daddy around.
Which brings me to the question, how come people feel that everyone needs to parent in the same way? Have relationships in the same way?
We are all different and therefore bring up different people, if we all raised our children in the exact same way (I am not just talking vaccination here folks) then it would indeed be a very boring world. We all have differences of opinion, I like to think that most of us have tact as well.
Mom to mom, provide love and support to one another, don't judge my/our need for support, or that I/we are willing to ask for it. If you don't think you need it great (but this doesn't make anyone better or worse), and gives you absolutely no right to judge. But I do need support, and I am willing to ask for it.
b.
Now that we're moving in a week (wow), it seems that some people are dealing with it in very odd ways. A fellow mom yesterday publicly questioned why I needed someone to watch Monroe while we moved. Pardon? Then questioned what type of wife I was as I have mentioned how much we miss having my husband and Monroe's daddy around.
Which brings me to the question, how come people feel that everyone needs to parent in the same way? Have relationships in the same way?
We are all different and therefore bring up different people, if we all raised our children in the exact same way (I am not just talking vaccination here folks) then it would indeed be a very boring world. We all have differences of opinion, I like to think that most of us have tact as well.
Mom to mom, provide love and support to one another, don't judge my/our need for support, or that I/we are willing to ask for it. If you don't think you need it great (but this doesn't make anyone better or worse), and gives you absolutely no right to judge. But I do need support, and I am willing to ask for it.
b.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I need to write a blog post,
but I am utterly overwhelmed with packing up our life to move in 15 days.
Also,
Here's my reminder to support my husband's hometown and what feels like my hometown a little too (and is coincidentally right next door to where my parents moved 6 years ago). Goderich was hit by an F3 Tornado on August 21, 2011. They need your support to get back on their feet and return this gorgeous town to its former glory.
check out www.goderich.ca
{Those wishing to make a financial donation to the Goderich Disaster Relief Fund, can do so at any Chartered Bank and the Goderich Community Credit Union. Other donations (food, clothing etc or to volunteer) please contact 211. If you are calling long distance please call 1-866-743-7818.}
Also,
Here's my reminder to support my husband's hometown and what feels like my hometown a little too (and is coincidentally right next door to where my parents moved 6 years ago). Goderich was hit by an F3 Tornado on August 21, 2011. They need your support to get back on their feet and return this gorgeous town to its former glory.
check out www.goderich.ca
{Those wishing to make a financial donation to the Goderich Disaster Relief Fund, can do so at any Chartered Bank and the Goderich Community Credit Union. Other donations (food, clothing etc or to volunteer) please contact 211. If you are calling long distance please call 1-866-743-7818.}
Monday, July 4, 2011
on expansion
So if I were still on a mat leave, mine would be up by now with all the time taken for health issues.
I'd be prepping for going back to work and feeling unsure about it. Which is exactly how I feel. We decided to make sacrifices for the first year of monroe's life and then back to the grind until babe #2.
Thing is I have no idea where I want to work, how many days per week, how much I can stand him being with someone else during the day, or how much I'll appreciate my time alone?
I have a few friends who had their babes around a year ago, who are now announcing pregnancies, and I can't help but feel a little like I'd like to join them there. We still want a large family and are excited to expand. But it is not time yet. Due to all of the issues with my previous pregnancy we've been given a strict timeline on future pregnancies and I am finding it really hard to come to terms with right now.
I think a lot of it has to do with this amazingly interactive smiley, happy beautiful little man that I get to hang-out with daily. Watching him interact with other children makes me want them even more knowing how well he'll react to them.
Timeline is still in place and I am dealing with that, just thought I'd be a little honest about how I feel about this in this moment.
b.
I'd be prepping for going back to work and feeling unsure about it. Which is exactly how I feel. We decided to make sacrifices for the first year of monroe's life and then back to the grind until babe #2.
Thing is I have no idea where I want to work, how many days per week, how much I can stand him being with someone else during the day, or how much I'll appreciate my time alone?
I have a few friends who had their babes around a year ago, who are now announcing pregnancies, and I can't help but feel a little like I'd like to join them there. We still want a large family and are excited to expand. But it is not time yet. Due to all of the issues with my previous pregnancy we've been given a strict timeline on future pregnancies and I am finding it really hard to come to terms with right now.
I think a lot of it has to do with this amazingly interactive smiley, happy beautiful little man that I get to hang-out with daily. Watching him interact with other children makes me want them even more knowing how well he'll react to them.
Timeline is still in place and I am dealing with that, just thought I'd be a little honest about how I feel about this in this moment.
b.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Single Parenting.
It's been a bit since my last post. That is because our world got turned upside down and right now I'd say we're halfway to it being full righted.
Our situation was very similar to many families with a babe under one in Canada. I was staying at home with our babe and the hubs was our sole income (my mat leave expired in January). We had budgeted and given up many things and worked hard to be able to allow our son his first year at home with his mama.
and then...
My husband after nearly 4 years with a company, was let go.
No reason given, just advised that they were re-structuring.
We were given roughly 7 weeks severance. 7 weeks. That is it.
Cue breakdown on my part, him reassuring me things would work out, and so far they've been righting themselves rapidly. You see he'd been interviewing for a new job a week before this little bombshell. We were unsure of whether or not to take it, as it involved a big move. Than our decision was made for us. Very straightforward. So we called the interview company up, Paul landed the job within 3 business days and then the craziness began.
So begin home reno hell. 3.5 weeks of non-stop home renos. We still have a tiny bit to do, but we're so very close. Then we have to sell this place and move on.
You see we'd finally become content with our lives where we live, we'd up-rooted ourselves 4 years ago and it had taken about 3.5 years to become content with everything. Being away from our family, friends and making new ones has taken time, but we did it. Ironically now we're moving back to the area we left 4 years ago.
We feel a bit conflicted, but things seem to be so utterly laid out.
Cue the single parenting glitch.
The new job is 2 hours away from our current home.
Paul started this past Monday.
Meaning me and Monroe and Decker are alone together. Solo. I've never done this for more then a night on my own. Seriously, if he'd be away I'd usually plan to go see my mom, or a friend for the night; Identifying that me being alone and stressed out might not be the best solution.
It's been 3 nights and 2.5 days and surprisingly to me, we're doing okay. I did manage to ruin a load of Monroe's clothing yesterday by putting in a new beach towel (duh.). So far that is our only casualty.
To the single moms and dads full-time out there. You are amazing. Truly.
So that's our little update.
Monroe tried to quit nursing again and this time even with my meds, he's not going back on. I am feeling a lot more calm this time around then the strike he attempted before. That time he went back on once my supply upped after about a week and a half. This time it has been about the same and he is showing no interest. I am pumping and just giving him what I can via bottle. he is almost 11 months and I feel that I've truly tried everything. I feel like this time it is not a supply issue but more an exploration issue. He wants to venture out and being attached to me makes that tough.
That's all folks.
Our situation was very similar to many families with a babe under one in Canada. I was staying at home with our babe and the hubs was our sole income (my mat leave expired in January). We had budgeted and given up many things and worked hard to be able to allow our son his first year at home with his mama.
and then...
My husband after nearly 4 years with a company, was let go.
No reason given, just advised that they were re-structuring.
We were given roughly 7 weeks severance. 7 weeks. That is it.
Cue breakdown on my part, him reassuring me things would work out, and so far they've been righting themselves rapidly. You see he'd been interviewing for a new job a week before this little bombshell. We were unsure of whether or not to take it, as it involved a big move. Than our decision was made for us. Very straightforward. So we called the interview company up, Paul landed the job within 3 business days and then the craziness began.
So begin home reno hell. 3.5 weeks of non-stop home renos. We still have a tiny bit to do, but we're so very close. Then we have to sell this place and move on.
You see we'd finally become content with our lives where we live, we'd up-rooted ourselves 4 years ago and it had taken about 3.5 years to become content with everything. Being away from our family, friends and making new ones has taken time, but we did it. Ironically now we're moving back to the area we left 4 years ago.
We feel a bit conflicted, but things seem to be so utterly laid out.
Cue the single parenting glitch.
The new job is 2 hours away from our current home.
Paul started this past Monday.
Meaning me and Monroe and Decker are alone together. Solo. I've never done this for more then a night on my own. Seriously, if he'd be away I'd usually plan to go see my mom, or a friend for the night; Identifying that me being alone and stressed out might not be the best solution.
It's been 3 nights and 2.5 days and surprisingly to me, we're doing okay. I did manage to ruin a load of Monroe's clothing yesterday by putting in a new beach towel (duh.). So far that is our only casualty.
To the single moms and dads full-time out there. You are amazing. Truly.
So that's our little update.
Monroe tried to quit nursing again and this time even with my meds, he's not going back on. I am feeling a lot more calm this time around then the strike he attempted before. That time he went back on once my supply upped after about a week and a half. This time it has been about the same and he is showing no interest. I am pumping and just giving him what I can via bottle. he is almost 11 months and I feel that I've truly tried everything. I feel like this time it is not a supply issue but more an exploration issue. He wants to venture out and being attached to me makes that tough.
That's all folks.
Monday, May 9, 2011
on mother's day
So I just had my first mother's day. Second if you count the 26 week on my way to my last non-mama girl's trip to mexico pregnant mother's day last year.
Now I know there are those of you who rant about mother's day being a hallmark anniversary, well suck it up, it is supposed to be a nice day to love on your mama a little bit more then usual.
There was a blog link I saw on a friend's wall today regarding mother's day. It is a bit of a realistic view of mother's day and I couldn't help but feel the urge to recant my first mother's day in detail, basically I would have to agree with mother's day being a bit of a let down. Kind of like new years, except for the first time this past year I had a really good new years, so maybe we'll improve from here....
So Saturday night we get home after a games night with some friends and Paul advises me that he is going to head out to buy me breakfast in the morning. To which I reply no. (we really only have a mcd's for breakfast, please not on mother's day?).
Come Sunday morning. He gets up at 7:30 am to do some mother's day stuff (turns out he was making home made cards-cute, but I also know this is because he forgot about them the rest of the week, at one point asking why I'd only given him a weeks notice? to which I responded, really? No calendar around you?). So he is card making, then roe roe wakes up, that crazy scream of a wake-up. To which Paul gets him and then places him in bed with me, where he drinks his bottle and stares/grabs at me. Paul then comes in and gets him and puts him in an exersaucer. At 9 am ish I get up after not having fallen back asleep and then Paul asks me for my recipe for french toast; I write it down and then get asked a bunch of questions regarding how to make french toast. (really? I've created a monster by baking/cooking everything for him for the last 6 ish years). I then curl up on the couch and read my cards from both of my boys.
Then we sit down to breakfast with the realization that in order to make it to church roughly on time (approx 20 minutes late) we had to mow down our food and get ready ASAP. Get roe ready get showered, get dressed, running, go go go. In the midst Paul lets me know that he got a ring I was recently given by my great-grandmother resized (sweet), but that I won't be getting it until this Friday.
made it to church 20 minutes late. Roe to the nursery-for 1/2 the service, great speaking (go becky!) and mum flowers for all the ladies. Then we get roe from the nursery where our fabulous nursery workers made me a cute picture and word holder with a picture of him in it for me.
Then we're off to Hamilton. Yes. A 2 hours drive. Wait for it, with a 2.5 hour stop for a business meeting of Paul's. yay. You try entertaining a 9 month old in a car for 2.5 hours. Sounds fab huh?
Then to our nephew's 2 and 6th birthday party combined, where I was given a huge planter of flowers from my bil and sil. Then we ate the cake and opened the gifts.
Then a 2 hour drive home and in bed by midnight. Happy mother's day.
Next year I am going to skip church and go out on my boat, maybe alone, with a book. yes.
Not a horrible day, but nothing out of the ordinary by any stretch.
Now I know there are those of you who rant about mother's day being a hallmark anniversary, well suck it up, it is supposed to be a nice day to love on your mama a little bit more then usual.
There was a blog link I saw on a friend's wall today regarding mother's day. It is a bit of a realistic view of mother's day and I couldn't help but feel the urge to recant my first mother's day in detail, basically I would have to agree with mother's day being a bit of a let down. Kind of like new years, except for the first time this past year I had a really good new years, so maybe we'll improve from here....
So Saturday night we get home after a games night with some friends and Paul advises me that he is going to head out to buy me breakfast in the morning. To which I reply no. (we really only have a mcd's for breakfast, please not on mother's day?).
Come Sunday morning. He gets up at 7:30 am to do some mother's day stuff (turns out he was making home made cards-cute, but I also know this is because he forgot about them the rest of the week, at one point asking why I'd only given him a weeks notice? to which I responded, really? No calendar around you?). So he is card making, then roe roe wakes up, that crazy scream of a wake-up. To which Paul gets him and then places him in bed with me, where he drinks his bottle and stares/grabs at me. Paul then comes in and gets him and puts him in an exersaucer. At 9 am ish I get up after not having fallen back asleep and then Paul asks me for my recipe for french toast; I write it down and then get asked a bunch of questions regarding how to make french toast. (really? I've created a monster by baking/cooking everything for him for the last 6 ish years). I then curl up on the couch and read my cards from both of my boys.
Then we sit down to breakfast with the realization that in order to make it to church roughly on time (approx 20 minutes late) we had to mow down our food and get ready ASAP. Get roe ready get showered, get dressed, running, go go go. In the midst Paul lets me know that he got a ring I was recently given by my great-grandmother resized (sweet), but that I won't be getting it until this Friday.
made it to church 20 minutes late. Roe to the nursery-for 1/2 the service, great speaking (go becky!) and mum flowers for all the ladies. Then we get roe from the nursery where our fabulous nursery workers made me a cute picture and word holder with a picture of him in it for me.
Then we're off to Hamilton. Yes. A 2 hours drive. Wait for it, with a 2.5 hour stop for a business meeting of Paul's. yay. You try entertaining a 9 month old in a car for 2.5 hours. Sounds fab huh?
Then to our nephew's 2 and 6th birthday party combined, where I was given a huge planter of flowers from my bil and sil. Then we ate the cake and opened the gifts.
Then a 2 hour drive home and in bed by midnight. Happy mother's day.
Next year I am going to skip church and go out on my boat, maybe alone, with a book. yes.
Not a horrible day, but nothing out of the ordinary by any stretch.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
not enough
that is what I feel like right now, just not enough.
I know that you're already judging, jumping to conclusions and assumptions about your thoughts on my previous posts. Well keep them to yourself, because this is a place for me to write about how I FEEL as I go through MY own experience at becoming a mother. Now if you weren't judging, that is nice and I appreciate that.
So Monroe is just past 9 months old, and he has refused to nurse since friday-it is now thursday, the pump and I have become re-acquainted. Truly Monroe had one day about a month ago where he refused to nurse completely, the next day I did some limiting of fluids and he went back to nursing for very very short periods of time ranging from 1-3x's per day. Then on easter weekend he did an overnight and refused to nurse before being gone form me for 24 hours. We went through 3 days of him refusing, then back on then he did another overnight away at the cottage with paul. Since then he screams and turns aggressively from me. Screaming when the breast is presented. A real calm and bonding time huh?
You see I hated nursing at the beginning, monroe was a huge cluster feeder and this mama was tired, now I enjoy it and was really starting to love those bonding times, I was getting what everyone was so excited about about nursing. Then he stopped. I wish I'd known the last time he was going to nurse was the last, I might've cherished it a bit more. What if he hadn't gone away on that overnight?
I know you're thinking big whopp-di-do. Well this is MY blog and this makes me very sad. You see I felt like I couldn't give my babe the entry into this world that i felt he deserved, the all natural woman hear me roar one. So I though at least he nurses well, and we're gonna do this for at least a year. AT LEAST. Well we're 2.5 months shy and I feel like crap for once again not meeting one of the goals of motherhood that I'd set out. I can't think of another thing offhand where we set such huge expectations for our bodies (based on another person's participation as well) and even when we do great and give them the best of everything you can;t make them do this.
I feel very conflicted as some people say that the babe attempting to wean at this age is normal, others say it is not actual weaning but a 'false' wean that we moms need to drudge through.
I am going to keep on trying and I don't know what the outcome will be. I've been in contact with dr. jack newman (breastfeeding guru) and he's recommended no more bottle and an open cup instead. day one of that and it is proving to be difficult, frustrating, messy and time consuming. Other have recommended just appreciating that this chapter is closed and that we got this far. I don't even know how to feel/cope right now.
And to those of you saying big deal, why is she so upset? Well I can't explain it any better and I'd rather not hear your judgement on the topic.
I know that you're already judging, jumping to conclusions and assumptions about your thoughts on my previous posts. Well keep them to yourself, because this is a place for me to write about how I FEEL as I go through MY own experience at becoming a mother. Now if you weren't judging, that is nice and I appreciate that.
So Monroe is just past 9 months old, and he has refused to nurse since friday-it is now thursday, the pump and I have become re-acquainted. Truly Monroe had one day about a month ago where he refused to nurse completely, the next day I did some limiting of fluids and he went back to nursing for very very short periods of time ranging from 1-3x's per day. Then on easter weekend he did an overnight and refused to nurse before being gone form me for 24 hours. We went through 3 days of him refusing, then back on then he did another overnight away at the cottage with paul. Since then he screams and turns aggressively from me. Screaming when the breast is presented. A real calm and bonding time huh?
You see I hated nursing at the beginning, monroe was a huge cluster feeder and this mama was tired, now I enjoy it and was really starting to love those bonding times, I was getting what everyone was so excited about about nursing. Then he stopped. I wish I'd known the last time he was going to nurse was the last, I might've cherished it a bit more. What if he hadn't gone away on that overnight?
I know you're thinking big whopp-di-do. Well this is MY blog and this makes me very sad. You see I felt like I couldn't give my babe the entry into this world that i felt he deserved, the all natural woman hear me roar one. So I though at least he nurses well, and we're gonna do this for at least a year. AT LEAST. Well we're 2.5 months shy and I feel like crap for once again not meeting one of the goals of motherhood that I'd set out. I can't think of another thing offhand where we set such huge expectations for our bodies (based on another person's participation as well) and even when we do great and give them the best of everything you can;t make them do this.
I feel very conflicted as some people say that the babe attempting to wean at this age is normal, others say it is not actual weaning but a 'false' wean that we moms need to drudge through.
I am going to keep on trying and I don't know what the outcome will be. I've been in contact with dr. jack newman (breastfeeding guru) and he's recommended no more bottle and an open cup instead. day one of that and it is proving to be difficult, frustrating, messy and time consuming. Other have recommended just appreciating that this chapter is closed and that we got this far. I don't even know how to feel/cope right now.
And to those of you saying big deal, why is she so upset? Well I can't explain it any better and I'd rather not hear your judgement on the topic.
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